Tuesday, January 31, 2006

GW Bush Drinking Game

Here is my idea of a fun way to get drunk tonight:

Tonight, at 7:00PM, President Bush is giving his State of the Union Address...Yeah, to play this game, you have to watch it! I know, I know, it'll be painful to hear that jackass speak, but... it'll be fun!

So, every time the Pres says "working hard" you have to CHUG your beer! And I mean CHUG damnitt!!

Then, every time he does his little fist shake thing, you have to take a sip... we lessened that part of it because the guy does that WAY TOO OFTEN!

Friday, January 27, 2006

Bleeding for Love

Nightmares as I sleep
Tears flow easily
Words don't heal me
My heart weeps

Answers become apparent
Though I refuse to look
Facing it all becomes
My pain transparent

Not enough
To take the risk
To change what is
For what could be abrut

How to imagine
My life without
What has become my
Breath of reason

Hearing my inner voice
To say yes to me
And no to pain
Because that is a choice

Trying to look away
In hopes that all can
Return to just
Handprints in clay

Pain doesn't fade
I can't ignore the wounds
Bleeding for love
Life feeding my rage

Help me heal
Reach out to me
And let go of safe
Lets get back to being real

Thursday, January 26, 2006

On Politics

Will Ferrell -- Bush on Global Warming

My morning thought as I glanced up to see Fox News (yes, because here in Utah my corporate office thinks that is the best source of fair and honest reporting) covering Bush's speech yesterday was, "two more years .... just make it two more years".

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

It Must Be Nice

I was at work, and reading on The 10 Attitudes of Successful Workers, because I don't think "don't talk to me I haven't had coffee" was going to be in the top ten but I was hoping for maybe a number 11 or something. When all a sudden I came upon the following informative piece; "Dr. Martin Seligman, an authority on optimism".

I want to know how does one become an "authority on optimism"? Is there a degree for this? Would there be like a Doctorate of Optimism offered at the university of Happy? Hmmm, come to think of it, I am sure there is a course like that at BYU, they are the experts on happiness I am sure.

Not me, I am going to strive to become the next authority on satisfied. When people want to know what is satisfactory in life, they will have to come ask me. I don't want to talk about over achieving or under performing, just on what is satisfactory. I assume the conversation will go like this:

Here is a top 10 list on Attitudes of a Satisfied Worker:

1. I am in charge of punching in the timeclock. You know what time you are expected to arrive at work, and you get there in time to swipe your timebadge before becoming tardy.

2. Anything is okay. You look at opportunity as pain verses pleasure, and as long as the scales are equal, life is okay.

3. No task is too small or too big. It is just the right amount of work for you. You don't take on too much but you also are challenged enough to feel okay.

4. Everyone you work with is a co-worker. Neither friend nor foe, and that is how you keep it.

5. I was made to do this job ... and just that. You don't need promotions or demoting because you are perfectly suited for your job.

6. It is what you know. That is what makes you perfectly suited for your job, you know how to do it, and do it to meet the required guidelines.

7. What else? There is nothing else. That is because you are are okay with your job, you need not to take on anything new.

8. Failure sucks, and so does success. That is why you just stay where you are. No emotional rollarcoaster, and that is good.

9. You are your own ... well .... Administrator. Supportive enough to get the job done, but not a cheerleader that is over the top.

10. Your monitor turns off at the end of the day. You know how to leave the work at the job and not carry it over into your personal life. You come to work, ready to work and leave your life at the door when you clock in.

Monday, January 23, 2006

A Funny Email Forward

Resolution #1:

1999: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2000: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2001: I will read 5 books a year.
2002: I will finish the book I started in 2001.
2003: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year.
2004: I will read at least one article this year.
2005: I will try and finish the comics section this year.

Resolution #2:

1999: I will get my weight down below 200.
2000: I will watch my calories until I get below 220.
2001: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 250.
2002: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
2003: I will work out 5 days a week.
2004: I will work out 3 days a week.
2005: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.

Resolution #3:

1999: I will not spend my money frivolously.
2000: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
2001: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
2002: I will be totally out of debt by 2003.
2003: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 2004.
2004: I will try to pay off the debt interest by 2005.
2005: I will try to be out of the country by 2006.

Resolution #4:

1999: I will never take another drink of alcohol again.
2000: I will limit myself to only drinking once per month.
2001: I will only drink on weekends.
2002: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.
2003: I will not touch the bottle before noon.
2004: I will not become a "problem drinker".
2005: I will not miss any AA meetings.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Ha! My Horoscope is Better Than Yours

"... are less likely to encounter the usual insane clown posse that clogs up your schedule and complicates your life."

Must mean more tequila then!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Look Ma What I Bought Online

"I can hear tequila calling"

Yep, it is my new shirt I just bought. This site, Spreadshirt, lets you design your own, of course I wasn't so cleaver to state the obvious in this situation, but Jason from Kottke told me about EverythingAndNothing who did.

I think I shall wear it for St. Patty day.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Top Keywords Used to Get to This Site

shredded carrots and lime jello


I really don't think much more needs to be said.

Things said before hearing the phrase "I am SOOOO going to blog that!"

While lying in bed over romantic conversation:
"Yes I tan nekkid except one towel placed carefully around the bits so not to get burned"
In response:
"You mean you wrap it around your balls?"

Now in full retaliation:

"YES, they are super sensitive, can you imagine a sunburn on them????"

While asking about computer support by my Mom:

"Can you fry the motherload with too much moisture?"

Thursday, January 12, 2006

On The Subject of Kids and Birthdays

We are snuggling in bed this morning, and my daughter turns to me and says, "Mom I missed his birthday and I wanted to make him a card." I reassure her that it is still okay to make one now and give it to him tonight when he comes over, he will still enjoy it.

She gets quiet.

Then she says, "I would like it to say: Happy Birthday. You are fun and my Mom's favorite boy of any boy, and you make us happy. Your friend, [her]".

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

The Answer To The Best "Dumb" Question I Have Been Asked

Because a while back I met a guy who happened to be just what I never knew I was looking for. I only wanted a best friend who was good in bed, yet he gave me more. He showed me what love could be, and how to really be happy, and why every inch of my body desires to be with him. How it feels to have his thought consume my mind for days, that turn to months, that has now turned to a year. I never knew I needed someone to show me how to risk it all for someone that truly deserves it, to really put aside reservation and just jump. That is why you -- because I love you.

Well that and hot penguin sex ;)

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Ha Ha

I am singing loudly to Alanis Morissette this morning in my Jeep
Singing along to Velvet Revolver at work
Jammin to old Poison this afternoon
And finishing off my day with "She Fuckin Hates Me"

Is it time to go home yet?