Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Tori said it best ...

but what if i'm a mermaid
in these jeans of his
with her name still on it
hey but i don't care
cause sometimes i said
sometimes i hear my voice
and it's been
here silent all these years

Silent All These Years by Tori Amos

Monday, August 29, 2005

To My Little Wonder,

Hey look at this, it hasn't even been a whole year, yet I am writing you again. See that kid? That is why people say miracles still happen. Enjoy it.

I took you to school today for your very first day of first grade. You would be so proud of me; I only barely let a few tears fall this year as I walked away from your class instead of the streaming falls of Niagara of last year.

There we sat outside the school waiting for the morning bell to ring, and you put your little arms around mine and looked up at me with those big beautiful brown eyes and said, "Mom, I am just a little bit nervous". I understand that, and you are right to be. It is a big change moving from care free summers of endless playing and laughter to a world of responsibility and task ahead. That transition is hard for even some adults to handle and they don't have the guts to say it makes them nervous, but you did. I am proud of you, for knowing that you are growing and moving forward.

As you entered your classroom you let go of my hand and waltzed over to the table to find your name with your pencil and crayons. You walked so tall and so certain of what it is you are doing. Oh child, remember to always hold your head high as you did this morning because someday people will be looking to you for leadership. I know it.

I sit at work and wonder how you are doing, if everything went okay at recess, did you make a friend? But I am being a silly Mom. I know you did just fine.

You always do.

Love always and forever, infinity and beyond,Mom

Friday, August 26, 2005

To My Little Wonder,

I often times think I should write you more. More than once a year when I actually sit down to do it. I promise I will think about writing you lots more in the future. For now, I am just your Mom, a mom that makes stuff up as she goes, such as thinking I will write you more.

You have been a life saver to me, even though you don't know it, and never will really grasp the meaning of what I just said to you. But don't take that as pressure to be anything other than your wonderful, full of life, self. For that is exactly what saves me in this life.

Ever looked at swiss cheese? Yea, you know I would say something funny like that, and scrunch your cute little nose at me with wrinkled eyes and say, "Mommmmm you are being silly". See that moment when you do that, it makes me forget that just this morning you told me that I do your hair to make you look like a dork. Remember dear child, that a "dork" is a whale penis, and my last thought in my head is not to make you look like an enamorous penis - trust me on that one.

You are going to be in first grade this year, the time has moved so fast. You will be there in your desk with your friends learning about why there is three different ways to spell two, too and to. I know this all seems like a lot to take on, as you told me how nervous you are about school. But you have the wonderful ability to take this world by the coat tails and give it a spin. Learn all you kind right now, because later it may get you out of a speeding ticket. Better yet, school is the one place where people actually expect you to be a kid - enjoy that.

I am about to leave work to come pick you up. I will ask about how swim day was, and what your thoughts on life will be. You will ramble on and on and on because you really like to hear yourself talk, and I will sit in my driver seat and smile. Smile at all the wonderful things you are.

Love always and forever, infinity and beyond,


If you ever wonder if I think about you

- I do


Why is it when you need it most, it is slipping through your fingers. When you want it to pass, it is available in truck loads. Time.

Waiting, rushing in anticipation
Slowing to nothing
Speeding past with nothing left
Do you have the time

There it is letting the moment live. Enjoying just that second when everything was right in the world, when nothing else mattered. Just that second.

Laughing spinning
Letting go of worry
Enjoying the smell the sound the sight
Living in that moment

Only so many hours in the day, minutes in the hour, seconds in the minute. Only so many. Every move forward is one minute less, one hour less, one day less. Less, that is what you have, less of what you did have.

Palm piliots
Day planners
Outlook calenders
There to help capture every available time slot, keeping time from passing you by

When I am lying on my death bed and looking back at my life, I will ask for "more". More time to laugh, more time for memories, more endless summer nights to hear her stories about being a princess living in a castle, more days to love, more hours to be loved, more.

Making memories
Laughing more
Loving today
Living in the moment

Swim in it, soak it into your every part of your being. No more going to bed wishing for just another hour to get things done. There are not enough hours, and never will be. No wasting what precious minutes we have yerning for more time. The clock is already moving forward while you are looking back.