Wednesday, June 22, 2005


Maybe they didn't connect on a deep level, or share the same sense of humor but they had something ... they had loyalty. They were there for each other when times were tough, or just when someone needed a shoulder to cry on, they had loyalty.

How do you survive when the one thing you thought you had slips through your fingertips as easily as sand? How do you maintain a sense of self, when your judgment is shattered? How do you start again without carrying bitter baggage?

This is the unconscious pattern I have grown up with, that behind the curtain is a wizard in which you cannot trust. He says things of beautiful magic and controls the whole show, but that is the performance that he himself most believes. The rest of us now sit and watch the show, but know deep down that it all ends when the curtain falls.

I don't want to believe what I have been shown all my life, I want to lose myself in a river of just being "real". The good, bad and ugly of being truthful to not only one's self, but those you care and love for. I want to believe in the possibility of building a relationship based on truth.

Fighting for just "being real".


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